I’ve always had this sort of image I’ve wanted to show everyone – being mysterious, reclusive, wise…that sort of thing. I must’ve seen it on a movie once or something. All the time, that image lies in the back of my mind forever, until I start to believe that this is what I am. I am NOT. I am not as special as I’d like to believe. In fact, I’m not that special at all, really. unattractive is one adjective, also clumsy/ungraceful, arrogant, etc. And terribly naive. I think this is due to my lack of realism. I’m so idealistic, and oh so bland. I don’t want to be. I try to be all those things I desire in myself, but I’m not and I don’t think I ever will be.
A long process of thoughts. Cathy mentioning something about my face looking at myself in a bathing suit. The fact that no one called me today to do something.
I don’t know the real answers to why anymore. I’m lost. I can’t face reality.
just ignore me... 
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