just ignore me…

I saw Dawn today. She’s still the same, I guess, but her mind is farther gone. She’s going nowhere. Romance does not exist.Neither does love. Tomorrow is Red October. October…and the trees are stripped bare…of all they wear…do I care… Continue reading

What can I say? My life is boring. Yes. There’s nothing going on at all. No thoughts… Oh yeah, I did have a sexy dream about Todd Gibbs. It was great! Dawn came back. I haven’t seen her yet, but she’s back in school and stoned as hell. Poor little lost girl. She’s lost like Continue reading

Dad didn’t say a word, by the way. Didn’t care much. I’m so alone. Sam called me – we really didn’t have much to say, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I’ll write her soon. Sonja’s pissing me off again. She really doesn’t care much about me or anyone else. Continue reading

Went out with Sonja and Paul and sort of broke curfew. I really didn’t think I had one, but oh well. I don’t care anyway. I know, it wasn’t even worth it. Nothing’s really worth much. I went to the Walsh game and dance, and didn’t have much fun. It’s all too boring. I just Continue reading

It’s growing colder. Paul and friends were picking on Jeff (they gave him a wedgie and shit) and now I feel guilty. I liked Jeff. He might amount to something later. He might be something now. I could shed some tears for my memories. Life used to be so nice, and I never appreciated every Continue reading

I’m pretty happy with the way I am right now. My sense of style is totally me. My hair – well, it’s growing… and I’m doing okay in school. My grades are a mystery to me, though, but it’s only the beginning of the year. Matt looks like Matt Dillon, except Matt Dillon’s better. Much Continue reading

They’re ripping me apart – they’re ripping me apart! I can’t let go! I’m split in two! I’m vulnerable! I’m ripped apart! Jeff is almost as big of an asshole as Matt. Why can’t I let it be? Oh well. It’ll slowly release. I’ll move away and it’ll release. I’ll be released forever if I Continue reading

Well, ya wanna hear this? The ultimate dick-over. Matt went to Oktoberfest – with some blonde. And I was there too. I wish I’d never gone. But no – if I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t have known. And I did get him back – listen to this: I was a little tipsy, and a little Continue reading

I am not at peace with myself. Life is too hellish right now. I am too alone to be able to release it – it is too far away. Matt wasn’t home again. I told him last night after a nice conversation that I’d call him at 3:00 (no…3:45) and to be there. I called Continue reading

I’m so alone now. Life is really hard when you’re alone. It’s hard to tell this diary exactly what I’m feeling. It’s just that I’m so lonely…death would be nice, but inappropriate. Why die because a guy is an asshole, why die because your mother and father and friend don’t REALLY care about you? And Continue reading