just ignore me…

i wish I’d written yesterday morning and recorded they way I felt about Kevin then because my feelings have changed completely now. Yesterday I was completely happy about the way things were between us. I had written him a rather depressing note about ending the relationship, giving him a choice and such – then he Continue reading

I blew off Jeff Piatt today. It was an automatic response that took no effort at all. I thought I might have a crush on him – fortunately I’m wrong again. I don’t know why but it felt good. I don’t even remember what he asked me. Something like, “Where’s your couch shirt?” At first Continue reading

I haven’t written in a while but nothing much has happened anyway. I haven’t seen Kevin yet. Shall we make it a month since I’ve seen him? I’ve dyed and cut my hair in this time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? I certainly hope so. I’m a dormant soul at the moment. I’m just Continue reading

Coming upon December already? I was just reading my old diary, the other green one. Strange. I’ve figured out a lot about life since then. Of course, I still have a great deal to learn but that will come in time. All I know is that I do NOT want to relive those times. Those Continue reading

The morning started off with Mom and Dad yelling about divorce. The silence. I came downstairs, saw them, then I made a pie. I didn’t and don’t care about their marriage, but the argument made me realize something. Both of them have things they want to do with their life and they want me and Continue reading

A boring day. I did finally call Kevin. He hasn’t called because he got in trouble with his mom and she threatened him – no bass for Christmas if he doesn’t straighten up at school, start reporting to his probation officer, etc. So I guess everything’s stable there. Well, not really stable but still there. Continue reading

Well, the play went very, very smoothly. It’s hard to believe that it’s over already. Kevin and Alex said they were going to come but they never showed up. I was very disappointed, but that’s life I guess. Maybe I look like I need to be trampled on, because nothing ever works out for me Continue reading

It’s lost. Love has been lost. Kevin has lost interest in me, but I’m not really that surprised. I’m not that pretty anyway. I’m not special either. I have no charisma, and I live too far away. Oh the pain of it all as it all comes crashing down on my head. I want to Continue reading

Haven’t seen Kevin in a while. He won’t come to the play but that’s okay. I kinda expected that. Oh well. He’s just not that type I guess. Love is strange. I love Kevin for what he is, but I don’t think it’s a forever kind of love. Or maybe it is? It’s too early Continue reading

Kevin and I went out tonight. Alex picked us up and Sonja went along too. Kevin was so horny in a comically romantic way – it was almost funny, in a way. We went to Alex’s for a while, bought beer then went to Milton’s in Chagrin Falls. It was nice. Sonja was drunk off Continue reading